Well that's the best progress they could have tried to make.
[ Still, Lenore grapples with the idea that this is progress they can keep. What Alucard has described is leaps and bounds in a few hundred years which is unprecedented for...the entirety of human existence. This can't be the new standard, can it?
Regardless, Lenore of course mourns what her life could have been. The idyllic existence as a vampire that she desired. Control, security, and nice things. ]
Is it really that surprising or are you just enjoying this?
[ She can't exactly blame him if it's the latter--or, well she could and absolutely would, given they're not exactly allies, but she won't. This time. ]
Why wouldn't I be? Being a vampire is preferable, but if you can't live well in the world, then what's the point?
[ If anything, it validates her decision to end it before it could get worse. Before she could be part of that problem. She'd experienced a steep enough fall, in her opinion. ]
They're managing. Slowly and unsteadily and with steps backwards and sideways, but they're managing.
[Alucard is a little proud of humanity for getting beyond the divine right of kings and the church. He knows it'll be bad moving forward. Humans are messy and their lives are short. The mess gives them meaning, he thinks.]
I'm not sure if I am enjoying any of it. I feel like an observer for much of it. Watching. Taking notes. Not wanting to interfere much. And....do you really think that being a vampire is preferrable?
[If nothing else, at least Alucard's tone is earnest.]
[ This feels a bit too close to the last conversation she had with Hector, but Alucard doesn't know that. He'd made decent points that Lenore could no longer refute, but it hadn't wholly changed her preferences. ]
Yes.
[ It's a straightforward answer with no hesitation. ]
Don't get me wrong, no one is perfect... [ Lenore likes to believe she's aware of her own flaws and shortcomings. And she is, mostly. ] ...but to struggle, to be cheated, to be lied to, to be used and live as a human? It's a short, sad existence. And to what end? I would much rather die as a vampire.
And vampires aren't cheated, lied to, used, and manipulated by each other and the world around them?
[Alucard's push back is pointed, if only because he has had versions of this conversation so many times and moreover, it underscores a fatal flaw of every vampire he's dealt with: they're still of human stock.]
With respect, there's still a human part of every vampire. The only difference is that being a vampire gives one certain advantages and that means power over others.
Of course we are. Your father-- [ A beat, short and contemplative. ] --and even one of my sisters are evidence of that.
[ It might be an unnecessary dig at Alucard who has reasonably done nothing but offer valid questions, but Lenore's own revelations are still fresh, the choice to walk into the sun still recent. ]
But those advantages are everything.
[ Lenore finishes off her glass and sets it aside on whatever nearest surface is available, uncaring of the mess. It's someone else's problem to clean this place up, surely. ]
Don't take this the wrong way, Alucard. [ He absolutely can. ] You might be half-human, but you've never lived as a human. It's...gritty and much too short.
How many vampires actually make it to your level or my father's? How many are middling at best, or die early after they're turned because they are the same as a newborn human?
[The pushback is deliberate. Not because Lenore's wrong in regards to himself, she is in fact completely correct, but Lenore managed to ascend very high indeed in vampire society.]
[ She won't argue against that point at all. If anything, Lenore benefited from having the masses of weaker or less ambitious vampires under her rule...once she managed to get to her position. And it wasn't easy. Her life as a human shaped her into the vampire that she became.
People underestimated her, mortal and immortal. She always used that to her advantage. In the end, it seems even the people she thought understood her best saw her as not having reached that same echelon. Thought she was too weak to survive.
Lenore places a hand at her heart, keeping that betrayal close to her chest. ]
But for those who gain it, we could have an eternity at our feet to live well.
[ Could she have averted the fall of Styria if she'd just spent more time with Carmilla? Distracted by filling in for Morana, distracted by her pet human Hector. Left alone...Carmilla's paranoia found form. Ruined her, ruined their collective, ruined all that they built and protected.
Left alone, Dracula's pain became a beast. And he would drag the world down with him.
Maybe not an eternity. ]
...Or as long as we can handle. And that's more than humans can say.
The only thing the humans can speak for is the longer lifespan. I struggle to reconcile any other meaningful differences in both societies.
[Alucard's own words are blunt, born of three centuries of observation. Vampires just come with the additional arrogance of thinking themselves superior to humans, and it is exhausting these days.
The dhampir doesn't care that he is probably stepping on toes now. Lenore is, technically, not a problem for him in his own time and place. If she becomes a problem here, he'll deal with it as needed.]
How do vampires define living well, in your experience?
[ He is, he absolutely is--and Lenore's life had taken such terrible turn that she's less prepared than usual. She's always had a pair of blinders on, born from her own experiences as a human and her prejudices as a vampire. But she rationalized them to the point they felt like fact. Irrefutable fact.
Until recently.
Until she began to see the cycle that vampires could fall into. Not the paragons of knowledge and refinement as they aged, but ones prone to great destruction and great madness. Whose flaws could make them more dangerous in their grief and pain than any human could imagine on their worst days and campaigns.
She narrows her gaze, her fingers curling a bit and gripping onto the fabric of her dress, but she stills them a moment later. ]
...With safety, security, and anything you could ever want.
[ It's a simple, childish description. "All their stuff" just like Carmilla had wanted. Lenore never wanted "all their stuff", but she wanted to live comfortably and without worry. To wake up warm, to sleep silently. To enjoy life. But she doesn't deign a better, more detailed explanation. Not with her head thinking back to her final moments. ]
[It's a fair answer. One that Alucard can see being given by any vampire he's met, and certain select humans of upper society. It is a very simple answer, which is a thought Lenore cannot ever know he's had about anything she has said, but that also highlights more of that disconnect in his mind. It's...
It's too simple. It comes without acknowledging the full breadth of experience.
[ She huffs, frustrated. Partially with Alucard, but mostly with herself. It's not as if she ever thought she would have the opportunity to read said book, having made her choice before Hector even came up with the idea. But she was...
Interested. Now that the seed has been planted. That time did, indeed, move on in a way she could become aware of and conceptualize. It was much easier to close the final chapter of her life with her death and leave it at that. What Hell would bring might tear her apart. She might no longer become Lenore.
Maybe that was fine.
But here?
Here she had barely stepped away. ]
A shame. [ What would he have said about her? The pleasures? The horrors? ] I doubt it would have been a big hit anyway.
[ She doesn't think that's a secret, but part of her wonders if it had been just an off-hand comment caught up in the emotions of the moment. Lenore believed she had been kind to him in a very twisted and misguided way, but she believed it all the same. ]
I thought it would be a memoir of some sort. Of his time amongst vampires.
[ Something changed a bit at the end. A small pang of guilt, the opening to something she hadn't explored. ]
But...whatever.
[ She didn't care. (She didn't...really.) She was right. Wasn't she? About some things. About the important parts. ]
Silly drabbles from a sillier man.
[ She won't admit why she chose death. Not now. Not to Alucard and concede this point. Lenore still has some pride left. ]
Nothing worthy of your friend's ancestral collection.
That sounds like something the Belmonts would collect, and something I would have added to the collection if it ever came to my attention.
[Alucard can't imagine that it would contain especially new information or anything of the sort. He never had much fondness for Hector or Isaac, even after they managed Styria into a reasonable partner to stabilize eastern Europe. Both men, in Alucard's opinion, used Dracula and his rage for their own purposes and anger at humanity when they were also the two people who could have broken through Dracula's grief and tethered him to the ground when Alucard could not.
But that is not for Lenore to know now or possibly ever. He keeps that much to himself.]
But I'm not a curator at the moment, and Hector was...a distant figure for me.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
@cryptsleeper
Date: 2025-03-20 10:02 pm (UTC)Well that's the best progress they could have tried to make.
[ Still, Lenore grapples with the idea that this is progress they can keep. What Alucard has described is leaps and bounds in a few hundred years which is unprecedented for...the entirety of human existence. This can't be the new standard, can it?
Regardless, Lenore of course mourns what her life could have been. The idyllic existence as a vampire that she desired. Control, security, and nice things. ]
Is it really that surprising or are you just enjoying this?
[ She can't exactly blame him if it's the latter--or, well she could and absolutely would, given they're not exactly allies, but she won't. This time. ]
Why wouldn't I be? Being a vampire is preferable, but if you can't live well in the world, then what's the point?
[ If anything, it validates her decision to end it before it could get worse. Before she could be part of that problem. She'd experienced a steep enough fall, in her opinion. ]
no subject
Date: 2025-03-21 01:14 am (UTC)[Alucard is a little proud of humanity for getting beyond the divine right of kings and the church. He knows it'll be bad moving forward. Humans are messy and their lives are short. The mess gives them meaning, he thinks.]
I'm not sure if I am enjoying any of it. I feel like an observer for much of it. Watching. Taking notes. Not wanting to interfere much. And....do you really think that being a vampire is preferrable?
[If nothing else, at least Alucard's tone is earnest.]
no subject
Date: 2025-03-22 05:28 pm (UTC)Yes.
[ It's a straightforward answer with no hesitation. ]
Don't get me wrong, no one is perfect... [ Lenore likes to believe she's aware of her own flaws and shortcomings. And she is, mostly. ] ...but to struggle, to be cheated, to be lied to, to be used and live as a human? It's a short, sad existence. And to what end? I would much rather die as a vampire.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-22 05:41 pm (UTC)[Alucard's push back is pointed, if only because he has had versions of this conversation so many times and moreover, it underscores a fatal flaw of every vampire he's dealt with: they're still of human stock.]
With respect, there's still a human part of every vampire. The only difference is that being a vampire gives one certain advantages and that means power over others.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-22 05:59 pm (UTC)[ It might be an unnecessary dig at Alucard who has reasonably done nothing but offer valid questions, but Lenore's own revelations are still fresh, the choice to walk into the sun still recent. ]
But those advantages are everything.
[ Lenore finishes off her glass and sets it aside on whatever nearest surface is available, uncaring of the mess. It's someone else's problem to clean this place up, surely. ]
Don't take this the wrong way, Alucard. [ He absolutely can. ] You might be half-human, but you've never lived as a human. It's...gritty and much too short.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-22 06:04 pm (UTC)[The pushback is deliberate. Not because Lenore's wrong in regards to himself, she is in fact completely correct, but Lenore managed to ascend very high indeed in vampire society.]
The advantages only take one so far.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-22 06:44 pm (UTC)[ She won't argue against that point at all. If anything, Lenore benefited from having the masses of weaker or less ambitious vampires under her rule...once she managed to get to her position. And it wasn't easy. Her life as a human shaped her into the vampire that she became.
People underestimated her, mortal and immortal. She always used that to her advantage. In the end, it seems even the people she thought understood her best saw her as not having reached that same echelon. Thought she was too weak to survive.
Lenore places a hand at her heart, keeping that betrayal close to her chest. ]
But for those who gain it, we could have an eternity at our feet to live well.
[ Could she have averted the fall of Styria if she'd just spent more time with Carmilla? Distracted by filling in for Morana, distracted by her pet human Hector. Left alone...Carmilla's paranoia found form. Ruined her, ruined their collective, ruined all that they built and protected.
Left alone, Dracula's pain became a beast. And he would drag the world down with him.
Maybe not an eternity. ]
...Or as long as we can handle. And that's more than humans can say.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-22 06:54 pm (UTC)[Alucard's own words are blunt, born of three centuries of observation. Vampires just come with the additional arrogance of thinking themselves superior to humans, and it is exhausting these days.
The dhampir doesn't care that he is probably stepping on toes now. Lenore is, technically, not a problem for him in his own time and place. If she becomes a problem here, he'll deal with it as needed.]
How do vampires define living well, in your experience?
no subject
Date: 2025-03-22 07:17 pm (UTC)Until recently.
Until she began to see the cycle that vampires could fall into. Not the paragons of knowledge and refinement as they aged, but ones prone to great destruction and great madness. Whose flaws could make them more dangerous in their grief and pain than any human could imagine on their worst days and campaigns.
She narrows her gaze, her fingers curling a bit and gripping onto the fabric of her dress, but she stills them a moment later. ]
...With safety, security, and anything you could ever want.
[ It's a simple, childish description. "All their stuff" just like Carmilla had wanted. Lenore never wanted "all their stuff", but she wanted to live comfortably and without worry. To wake up warm, to sleep silently. To enjoy life. But she doesn't deign a better, more detailed explanation. Not with her head thinking back to her final moments. ]
Tell me, Alucard; did Hector ever write a book?
no subject
Date: 2025-03-23 05:27 pm (UTC)It's too simple. It comes without acknowledging the full breadth of experience.
But for now, he lets Lenore change the topic.]
If he did, I have no knowledge of it.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-24 12:50 am (UTC)Interested. Now that the seed has been planted. That time did, indeed, move on in a way she could become aware of and conceptualize. It was much easier to close the final chapter of her life with her death and leave it at that. What Hell would bring might tear her apart. She might no longer become Lenore.
Maybe that was fine.
But here?
Here she had barely stepped away. ]
A shame. [ What would he have said about her? The pleasures? The horrors? ] I doubt it would have been a big hit anyway.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-24 12:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2025-03-24 11:05 pm (UTC)[ She doesn't think that's a secret, but part of her wonders if it had been just an off-hand comment caught up in the emotions of the moment. Lenore believed she had been kind to him in a very twisted and misguided way, but she believed it all the same. ]
I thought it would be a memoir of some sort. Of his time amongst vampires.
[ Something changed a bit at the end. A small pang of guilt, the opening to something she hadn't explored. ]
But...whatever.
[ She didn't care. (She didn't...really.) She was right. Wasn't she? About some things. About the important parts. ]
Silly drabbles from a sillier man.
[ She won't admit why she chose death. Not now. Not to Alucard and concede this point. Lenore still has some pride left. ]
Nothing worthy of your friend's ancestral collection.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-25 12:02 am (UTC)[Alucard can't imagine that it would contain especially new information or anything of the sort. He never had much fondness for Hector or Isaac, even after they managed Styria into a reasonable partner to stabilize eastern Europe. Both men, in Alucard's opinion, used Dracula and his rage for their own purposes and anger at humanity when they were also the two people who could have broken through Dracula's grief and tethered him to the ground when Alucard could not.
But that is not for Lenore to know now or possibly ever. He keeps that much to himself.]
But I'm not a curator at the moment, and Hector was...a distant figure for me.
no subject
Date: 2025-03-29 01:47 am (UTC)Lenore doesn't like that it bothers her a bit. ]
A silly man, as I said. It likely would have devolved into how "cute" he found his monstrosities.
[ She waves off any further mentions of Hector dismissively despite the fact she was the one to bring him up. ]
Well...as delightful as your stoic company is, I need some more wine.
[ To her credit, she does manage a natural-looking smile as she tries to smooth out any ruffled feathers she's gathered. ]
I don't doubt our paths will cross again.